Things You Should Never Tell Your Dating Partner
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Most men screw up their opportunities to sheath their sword with simple words. You meet a woman who’s decided that she’ll let you bed her and then you say something stupid like, “hey shawty, whatcho’ name iya?”
Desertnuts.
It’s much more difficult for a woman to mess up her chances for a little li*kemhighli*kemlow. But it is possible. Call your man’s mother a “fat whore” and see what happens.
Either way, the fact that mere words can ruin a night got me to thinking (as well as watching MTV Jams) about things that you should just never tell your man/woman. Oh yes, b*tches, there are definitely some things you should never tell your significant other.
Some people believe that honesty is the best policy. I’ve already stated before that I’m not 100 percent on board with that assessment. People say they want the truth, but that’s not really true. People want some version of the truth. You know what, I think that people just don’t want to be lied to. That doesn’t mean they want the truth either. Unless of course you consider non-truths as lies, in which case what does that make omission?
All I know is that possession is 4/3 of the law and that Doggystyle is a classic album.
And so it goes.
So in the spirit of honesty, let’s discuss some things that you should NEVER tell your significant other UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE:
1) You should never tell them that you’re attracted to their sibling or friends.
There is nothing good that can come of this and they’ll never trust you around them again. If you tell your SO that you think his brother is a motherf*cking stallion looking Negro, you can’t be mad if you get disinvited to all family functions. My brothas…don’t EVER tell your girl that you’d slob down her sister…or her mother.
Hell her mother might be one of the cougars that read blog.loveawake.com.
2) You should never tell them that you’re a crackhead.
This would seem to go without explanation but you know some people go dumb real quick. And I ain’t talking ridin’ the short bus dumb. Well, actually I am, unless you’re from Oakland in which case, I’m just talking about being stupid – I don’t think that means anything fun.
Fact is, nobody wants to date a crackhead. But if they just think you’re a crackhead you might buy yourself some time – that is until you sell it…for more crack. One of my boys used to date this Asian chick. Everytime we’d go to her house we’d always notice the light dusting that always seemed to blanket the apartment. It looked like everything always had an extra layer of white for some reason.
It’s what I envisioned Michael Irving’s wedding looked like.
3) You should never tell your SigOther that you engaged in a homosexual act.
We’ve talked about this before in some fashion. If you are a dude and you went gay one night and never returned, just keep it to yourself. Seriously. It won’t go over well. No way. No how. If you’re a woman it will probably be okay, but you never know. Some men don’t want to envision their woman chomping on textured cut-pile.
It’s true. Oh yeah, it’s true.
So my good friends, I laid out a few no-brainers. Let’s delve, shall we? Yes let’s.
What are some things you shouldn’t tell your significant other under any circumstance?